So much has happened....

The last several months have pretty much been a nightmare. I wrote about it on my regular life blog [here] a month ago. Lets just say that it hasn't gotten better since then.

I went to the doctor again on Monday and now she wants to check and see if I have endometriosis as well. The problem is, the only way to diagnose endo is through laparoscopic surgery. According to the surgery scheduler at my doctor's office this is a surgery that is going to cost "way over $3000" ($3k being used as the example since that is how much share-of-cost medicaid's share-of-cost would potentially be if I had it). With all the costs considered I'm expecting it to be somewhere between $10-30K depending on if I have to stay over night and how long the surgery takes. This is of course a huge problem since I have been out of work for months and won't be going to school this semester, thus cutting our income by over half.


The good news is if I do have endo, the surgery will turn from exploratory to.... the other term that I can't remember. That way the surgery won't only be used to diagnose me but also to clean the endo out. I also plan to let my doctor know that depending on how bad it is, and whether it looks like my infertility will be even worse (due to tube blocking or scaring), to go ahead and perform a hysterectomy while she's in there. It pains me deeply to think of that happening, but I just don't see the point in keeping my reproductive organs if I wouldn't even be able to use them to reproduce. Having them in there now is basically disabling me, so keeping them is like giving up my life now for some teensy tiny hope of biological children in the future. Even if they clean the endo out entirely it will reoccur in as little as one year which just means more pain and more surgeries. 


If I don't have endo then I don't know what the next step is. I suppose just continuing on the way we are until I give up and ask for a hysterectomy or get to a place financially where we can TTC. For many reasons including this my DH has decided to drop down to half time at school (and those classes online) so he can peruse a full time job. We are also looking into other roommate opportunities but it seems that would likely cause us to move. We don't really know where we're going right now and it just sucks.


As far as my weight goes, I've apparently lost 23 pounds since I went to the doctor three months ago. I had pretty much given up on my weight before that because we just can't afford to have the kind of diet I need so I was back up to 195. Now I'm at 172, which means I am just "overweight" and not "obese"! The weird thing is I can't even tell. I actually expected to be told I was over 200 since I feel so bloated and my clothes fit worse than they did. I pretty much live in my nighties at home, and leggings if I go out, since my other pants are now uncomfortable. Hopefully this surgery will reduce some of the bloating and I will actually be able to tell I've lost weight lol.

I started out so strong.

But don't we always? No one starts out only giving 50%. No one starts out hitting a wall. And that's exactly where I am. I feel like a noob who don't know how to autorun.

I've been hovering between 175 and 185 since well, the last time I updated this, whenever that was. My next deadline is Monday, and I should be at 175 by then... but I might not be, at least not consistency. I also haven't had a real period since the end of August. I did everything I could think of (shy of taking provera) to induce one, and I did bleed a little bit, but I really can't count that. According to my tracker I'm on day 107. =/

Some of this is my fault, and I'll own up to it. I haven't taken my meds as religiously as I should ever since starting the extended release. I'm supposed to take it with dinner, but I don't always eat dinner at the same time or place. I often forget to bring it with me/take it if we are at a friend's or we go out to eat. I've tried to be better at it though.

I've also been quite stressed, and I know I gain weight while stressed. My body assumes the stress is due to drought, or floods, or being stuck on an island without the help of DHARMA or Mary Ann to make me banana cream pies. Stupid metabolism. :(

I go back to the doctor at the end of the month. Hopefully they can help me move past this.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I have been a very bad girl...

because I haven't updated in forever!

I'm not sure what an accurate weight for me is right now, as it's been fluctuating a lot. One day it will say like 176, the next 180, but it hasn't been over 180 for a while which still translates to me losing something. I know I need a new picture for that milestone, I've just been too lazy to take one. XD

I finally heard back from the doctor about the $580 worth of blood work I had done. You'll never believe it, but my male hormone levels are high! *is shocked* I won't get a real detailed account of my results until I go back at the end of December.

He also switched me to the extended release Metformin since the regular ones have been making me nauseous. I haven't tried them yet though because I've been too busy to run by the pharmacy and get them.

According to my tracker AF is almost a week late, so at the moment I'm researching ways to induce it. Waiting more days/weeks/months for it to show up on its own causes too much anxiety. If you have any suggestions, feel free to share!

What week am I on again? I hear a bad memory is another symptom of PCOS.

Since today is Monday I weighed myself this morning and am now 181. I've noticed that I'm not loosing nearly as much as I used to, but that's not really a bad thing. Losing two pounds a week is actually really healthy. I feel like I'm about to plateau. I hope I don't for another monthish because then I think I can combat it with exercise. Right now it's still too hot and too humid, but once fall rolls in I'll actually be in the mood to be outside more than 2 minutes. We plan to start going for nightly walks together along with our other stuff. I'm hoping that change will get me over the wall once I hit it.

And anyway, even if I only lose an average of one pound a week between now and my cruise, I would still be way ahead of schedule. In fact, that would put me right around my goal for May! So I really can't complain much unless I just stop losing at all.

My pants seem a little looser but not as much as I would expect. I wonder if I could be losing boob weight? It's certainly not a bad thing if I am, Lord knows my back could use a break lol. Ideally of course I would be losing both boob and tummy weight though. Think I might take a new picture tomorrow even though I'm one pound early. Would rather do that then take it at a few pounds under.

What a lovely couple of weeks I'm having...

Since my last update I've spent most of my time either a)in pain, b)asleep, c)wishing I was asleep, or d)in a medicated haze.

I did in fact get my period, and while the cramps were as bad as ever the flow was actually pretty light. I only had to double up with pads and tampons one day (the rest using a liner just in case), and I actually got to use "regular" strength tampons some days instead of ultra or super plus! I'm not sure whether I should expect this to be the norm or if it was some fluke due to just going off HBC. For now I'm going to say fluke as to not get my hopes up. According to my tracker AF's next visit should be around October 10th so we'll see then.

Speaking of my tracker, I've just noticed that I'm scheduled to ovulate three days before my first wedding anniversary (19th). I'm pretty sure I won't actually ovulate but I would have been on the Metformin for about two months by then so who knows... Better be careful just in case. Also if my cycles stay around 45-50 days long I should be in the clear for my cruise. Josh and I have never been on a vacation together, and since this is counting as our late honeymoon/anniversary/Christmas/Valentine's Day/birthday presents to each other I'd hate to see AF ruin it. Oh well no use worrying about it now, I suppose. Back to what I came here to talk about...

Right when AF was starting to pack her bags, my lovely boss (I mean that, not even in a sarcastic way!) gave me the flu. I missed my Monday classes last week, but luckily for me the rest of my classes were cancelled for various reasons. I made it to work, but honestly if I had known it was the flu I would have stayed home. No need infecting half the student body, you know. But while I felt bad all week it didn't hit me that it was the flu till Thursday night after I got off. See when Ani told us she had the flu I though I was in the clear because I had already gotten it. But when I woke up in the middle of the night Thursday feeling like I had been run over by a bus, I realized that while I *did* get the flu already, that was almost a year ago and thus doesn't count lol. After a long holiday weekend and plenty of death flavored cough/flu medication I'm back to feeling about 75%. The last two days the body aches have almost gone away but I'm still struggling with migraines.

I did manage to weigh in yesterday and only managed to lose two pounds over the last two weeks (probably because I haven't done anything but sleep all day, which surprisingly doesn't burn many calories). While I was hoping to be down to 180, 183 isn't so bad. I've already reached my first goal, and I did it almost a month early. I'm not gonna adjust my other goals yet though because I'm afraid of plateauing. I'd think I could lose another 8 pounds over the next three months since I've lost 12 already, but I'd much rather meet my goals early than not make them.

I wish I was a man.

Well, that might be exaggerating a little... maybe I just wish I was a normal woman.

I've had more spotting since last week. Mostly nothing to write home about until today. Today I feel like I'm going to die. I hate it when I tell girls about my cramps and they say something like "oh, it's not that bad!". No ma'am, YOURS are not that bad. I feel like someone has taken a fiery hand blender to my insides. At least the week is half over and since I worked so much the last two days I'll be able to take it easy for the next three. I have class from 2-4:30 today and then I work until ~7:15 but then I can come home, curl up in a ball, and cry myself to sleep go to walmart because we have nothing to eat or drink. >.<

I went to my new endocrinologist today. His scale says I'm 5 pounds heavier than mine does. I've got another appointment in a month so I'm going to see if there's still a 5 pound difference. If so I'm going to chalk it up to scale configuration. I'm down to 185 according to my scale, BTW. He doubled my metformin dose and ordered a bunch of blood work. I know what some of it is for, but not others. This is what he's checking: 17-OH Progesteron D, CBC, CMP, Cortisol AM, DHEA-Sufate D, Estradiol, FSH, Insulin, LH, prolactin, Testosterone T&FR, and TSH. If you know what any of that means, feel free to leave a layman's definition in the comments. He also told me that whenever we decided to TTC I just had to give him the heads up and I'd have a clomid prescription. Even though that won't be for a while it's nice to know.

At some point a bunch of crap got piled up on the exercise bike that I should give a name. However I'm getting a much better strength and cardio workout at work than I would using that thing anyway lol.

That's all the updates for now I think. I'm gonna go lay down with my heating pad and listen to R.E.M now.

Week 3 update

That whole Day *insert number here* thing was getting old. I can remember what week I'm on much better. =)

I actually weighed myself yesterday (Monday) but didn't get a chance to update. Not surprisingly I didn't see much of a loss, only half a pound to be exact. Last week I was pretty bad and ate like half a gallon of ice cream and had pulled pork for three of my meals. I also only rode my bike twice. This weekend I got plenty of unconventional exercise though as we went through pretty much everything we own and rearranged our bedroom. I don't even know how many trash bags of stuff we either threw out or gave away...

According to monthlyinfo.com AF should be coming to visit in 5 or so days. I've been feeling kinda bloated (which would contribute to my lack of weight loss), so we will see if that's PMS or just my body hating me like normal.

I've got a post about how we view food and eating that I'm working on. I hope to finish it this week as school starts on Monday. We aren't quite finished with our room yet though, as as we waiting for some cables to come in that we ordered online.

Day 6 - Monday Weigh In!

Don't I look sexy in my "it's okay to sweat in these" clothes and elbow brace? (It's okay to say "no, no you're not." XD)

As of this morning I weigh 189.8 pounds! That's a little over 5 pounds less than I did last Tuesday. How freaking amazing is that?! Under normal circumstances it would take a month or two to lose that much, if I was dieting pretty strict and exercising 5 days a week. While I have been watching my sugar to avoid getting nauseous, I haven't exactly been dieting... and I only worked out one day last week.

If you'll notice, my little virtual weight loss model girl has changed a bit. Apparently she changes to reflect the weight you've lost every ten pounds. I've decided that I'll do the same and take a new picture every ten pounds. I don't see a change between this one and the last one really, but it's only been five pounds not ten for this first one. And really, there's not *that* much of a change with the VWLM either, more like a shift in where the weight is sitting.

In slightly related news...

Josh is trying to convince me to rethink the whole "never touching that demon Adipex crap again" thing. It is obviously too strong for me, but there's a good chance it's helping. I care way more about health than I do about numbers on a scale, but I also have to realize that losing weight is a big part of getting healthy. I'm going to look some stuff up online/call a pharmacist and see if I can only take half a pill, or maybe only take it every other day or something. If I can find a way to get some of the benefits while also avoiding flushing my metabolism down the crapper then I'll do it. If not I'll just wait till my doctor appointment at the end of the month and see what she thinks is best.

Day 2 - Holy side effects, Batman!

My first day on Metformin and Adipex was okay, but not great. I'm hoping things will get better as the days go on.

Yesterday afternoon about 3pm I noticed my blood sugar drop rather abruptly. I new this was a possible side effect, but it was still rather scary. When this happens to my diabetic friends they usually reach for a Snickers or a soda or something sugary to get it to go back up. Well, another side affect for the Metformin is getting nauseous after eating sugar! So I wasn't sure what to do. I ate a sandwich for the carbs, but it didn't really help. I ended up having to get a soda so I would be okay be 4:45 when I needed to go to work. I did get sort of nauseous but not too bad! From now on I think I'm just going to try and get a steady carb intake all day so it doesn't happen again.

Another side effect is insomnia. You're not *supposed* to suffer from this unless you take the Adipex within 4 hours before bed, but I guess that doesn't apply to me. I was able to fall asleep fine, but woke up after about two hours and could never quite get back to sleep. This sucks since I really need my 8 hours to function in the morning, 10 is better. I'm just glad I didn't need to drive anywhere today until closer to 2pm. Josh has a doctor appointment today and I'm going to get him to ask if you can take Tylenol PM or something while on these meds to help me sleep.

Normally I would only weight myself every week or so, but I needed to adjust some of the settings on my scale (goal weight, starting weight, etc) so I hopped back on again this morning. It said I'm down to 192 pounds?! It's probably just water weight or something though because I don't think it's possible to actually lose that much in one day. Especially since it would normally take me closer to a month to lose that much. I'll probably weight myself again on Monday, and then make Mondays my official weigh in days, so we will see if it's actual weight loss or not then.

I found an online period/ovulation tracker at monthlyinfo.com that I'm gonna give a try. I only had two cycles to input and both of those were when I was on BC so I'm not expecting the predictions to be accurate. According to it I should be ovulating right now but I'm pretty sure I'm not. I don't know much about NFP, but I think I know what my fertile mucus looks like and it's no where to be seen. It says AF should be in town near the 22nd of August, so we will see.

Day One - It begins

Today is my first day on Metformin. I have been instructed to take 500mg twice a day. We will reevaluate the strength at my appointment next month. My doctor has also prescribed me Adipex to help boost my weight loss, but I'm not so excited about taking it. It's supposed to suppress your appetite, but my appetite already sucks! My husband Josh says that I should try taking it and see how it goes, so I will.... *grumble, grumble, grumble*

As of this morning my weight was 195.2 according to our handy bathroom scale. That's the heaviest I've ever been. If you want to see a picture I posted one in the blog below.

AF last came to visit like a week ago. Lasted about three weeks. First week was light, second was really heavy with lots of cramps, and third was super duper light. I think I'm going to have to find some kind of AF calender so I can see if this stuff is actually working. Otherwise I'll just forget when my last period was lol. If you have any suggestions for that kind of thing let me know!

I was also thinking of starting NPF to see if and when I start ovulating again but I'm not sure about it. Once school starts in two weeks I might not keep up with it very good. Heck, I might not even keep up with this! So we will see...